Y 10.07.2005
A train with no end.
Owkei. It has been another great week. Hahaha. I amuse myself sometimes. I have the guts to say that it has been a great week when it was one of the most horrible weeks in my entire life. Well, that's exageration of course but it's a pretty horrible week. I do amuse myself because I can't believe that I can still write about a specific topic when in fact my insides are all jumbled. My feelings and my emotions are like crabs trying to pull each other for me to feel them. I am happy. Not happy happy but happy in the mere sense of the word. I am happy because circumstances brought us to watch the Brothers Grimm which is actually a fantastic movie. It's a funny and interesting story. Try to mix all of the Grimm brothers stories and fairy tales and viola, The Brothers Grimm. I'm also relieved because the field demonstration is finally over. Although I enjoy practicing because we get to be excused from our classes I'm actually relieved because it's one less thorn in my heart. I'm not ready to go back to the monotonous schedule. I'm not ready to face all the responsibilities and duties that I have pending. I don't want to go back yet to the boring routine that we have everyday. I look forward to weekends that's why sometimes the weekdays all seem to be a blur. I'm starting to get off track. Anyway let's recap what happened today. I woke up, nightmare still in mind. Everything was a bit foggy because last night we didn't have electricity so there was nothing for me to do but sleep and so I wasn't able to do anything. I woke up still unaware of what to wear. After the long moments spent on trying to figure out what to wear I finally received a text from my classmates saying that we should wear our uniform. Upon arriving in school I immediately dressed up. We have a yellow juniors '05 - '06 shirt and p.e. jogging pants. My head dress was not ready yet so I was already panicking. Luckily I found Mel who was oh so willing to sew my head dress just for the low low price of P50.00. Hahaha. Aia was once again the official hair dresser of the Munchkin population. She kindly arranged my hair then it was time for the Holy Mass. Kim and I sat together. I was so proud of Vanir when she sang. It was the first time that the other mascians were blessed with the opportunity to hear her golden voice. The mass just wheezed by I wasn't even aware of the time. I was just in a bad mood because of the outfit stealer. Don't Ask. I might just get into a fit of rage. They then asked us to dress up for the field demo. I placed my head dress and other stuff. Take note, we looked like silly people who are trying to sweep the ceiling with the "walis tingting" that were attached to our heads. Kim and I went down and we shared a meal. We were having a date. Hahaha. I said Kim with a K. Some people are deaf. Oh yeah, It was Mrs. Hizon, with an H. The program was quite amusing. The Coper pipz were all out. Presenting Moulin Rouge needs all the confidence and all the thickness your face can muster. The coper pipz possess that confidence but sometimes doing it all out is not that good to see. The Phantom of the Opera was nothing. It was starting to get boring. The presentation of IV-Einstein was so enjoyable. I dunno. I guess it's just exciting to watch them present something light yet fun. It started to rain. I thought the field demonstrations were doomed but I thought wrong. We were able to present though I doubt that we gave a 110 % to the performance. It was more like 70%. After that I dressed up. It was a fashion crisis because I was trying to figure out which belt to use. The solution to the fashion crisis turned out to be me not wearing a belt at all. Hehe. The bands exhibitions started after Aia re-arranged my hair of course. We were cheering for A.C. for the first band. The second band was Em's band. Margaux and I drained our voices by shouting "Go Em!" or "Go, Manuel!" or simply Manuel and Em. We were like groupies but actually he paid us to do so. Hehe Just Kidding. Janine was also wonderful. Her voice really brough out the songs. Mikhail was even raised by the other pipz from the back. After that several bands followed. After one of the bands. I saw a sight that I did not want to see. That was when all the enjoyment and the energy I was feeling started to fade away. The tears won. They wanted to come out of my eyes. I couldn't help it but then I can't find anyone to turn to. When you're down you just go to the person who gives you comfort. But when the people who you usually turn to are either the ones who you're crying about or are out of the country it's really hard. I found a crying shoulder on a friend. We're not really that close or anything but I also had some things to tell him so I went to him. He also hates her so it was fine to talk to him. I guess I was really desperate. Abychu and I went to Robinson's Place Manila, ate at Popeye's and went to Power Books. As Ronibats said, the placing of a Power Books branch at Robinson's Place Manila is not good. It only makes people water at the sight of the books or have an instant shopping spree when they don't really want to buy anything. We experienced this awhile ago. I was so tempted to buy the twoMadFinn books we saw. The movie we wanted to watch was not yet showing at the cinemas in Robinsons so we proceeded to SM Manila to watch. Approaching the cinemas at SM we saw that it will be shown on Oct. 19. So we chose Brothers Grimm instead. I already mentioned this movie above and there's no point mentioning it again. There was a Harry Potter trailer so it was really worth it. We then proceeded to the Dance Maniax and finally went home. I was with Niño because he was the only one who was going to the LRT. He got off at the UN station so it was only me, all alone who went through the boring LRT ride to Gil Puyat. I hate it when I'm all alone with nothing to do because it's the time that all the depressing things come to mind. That was when the idea of a train leading nowhere popped into my mind. I guess whatever I'm feeling can't be taken into account when in fact I myself know that my actions are only like a train leading nowhere because there wouldn't be any reaction. I actually realized thatI have a choice. I can choose to be depressed about stuff that I cannot control or I can choose to numb all the pain and hide under a mask of happiness or I can do both. You can't really understand how I feel unless you have experienced what I'm going through or you have some inkling on what I'm actually feeling. It's so hard to look at happy people when you're not happy. There is a tendency to make them feel bad to soothe yourself but there is a greater tendency to do something stupid thinking it will make you happy when in fact it wont. It is only 39 days before Harry Potter, 12 days before mid year, 15 days before field trip and 17 days before the semestral break. Time seems to run so fast. P.S. when times are tough you gotta be tougher.
you know you love me
xoxo
8:01:00 PM
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