Y 10.15.2005
Past, Present and Future...
Hey. I have been trying to post here for two days but everytime I start typing some outside forces meddle and so I get distracted and lose my interest in blogging. Now, This post has my full, undivided attention. Let's start with the present. I have just arrived home from the play we watched. I did not enjoy it that much but some scenes made me laugh and one guy in the play is a certified cutie. He also dances so well. I think guys who dance well but does not dance like girls are cute. They have this certain appeal that attracts me. Anyway, the mood of my last post was happy. The mood of this post now? Sad. Before we go to the dramatic events I would just like to say that I have survived the Happy Hopper Challenge. Yes, I won. I did not treat them to lunch. Yehey! This morning was a crazy event. The BDT (Basa Dance Troupe) went out to play Dance Maniax and I was able to do the songs I used to fail. There were 14 of us and I enjoyed my time with them. Back to the blues. If you really love your friends you wouldn't want to see them get hurt, right? Last Thursday, one of my friends did not really get hurt but we can see that he can't really handle the situation that he's in. He's having a hard time dealing with stuff. He can't even talk to us and look at us in the eye. That was what bothered me. It was the first time that happened. I got mad at the situation. I hate seeing my friends like that so I suddenly became emotional. Lately, the only reason why I am happy is because of my friends. Now that they are also sad my depression, sadness and despair were doubled. I guess that's why I became emotional. I don't wan them to feel the pain that I am feeling. I was happy that last night we were able to talk. He was able to open up to us and I found out we were thinking the same things. I want to say that I love my friends and I love them so much that I would fight for them and I would not let anyone take them from me. *even in dreams* Yeah, selfish of me right? Great minds really think alike. Last night I was amazed because Abychu and I seem to have one brain. Hehe. We think of the same things at the same time. The past. Everyone wants to go back to a certain place and time in their past. If I was given the chance, I will go back to our freshman year. A few days ago, someone asked me "How could it *freshman year* be your favorite when you always fight?" I did not think of an answer. I automatically said " We do not fight because we hate each other. We fight because we love each other." Yes. I suddenly realized how true my words were. The Badillonians really love each other. I love the Badillonians. They are still No.1. Nobody can ever replace them. Even if I really like the Mendel pipz and I'm starting to love 'em. None can still replace the Badillonians. Whatever happens I will never forget them and especially, the editorz. Without them I wouldn't be me. Speaking of my first year in school. Nikko also mentioned that he already misses the "old" me. Who is the old me? Well, she's the girl who is not scared of anyone. She's the girl who doesn't care what other people think of her, who is strong, cool, collected and most especially strict. She's an authoritarian, a dictator and an all out pain. She gets mad easily and she always fight for what she says no matter what even if sometimes she's the one who's on the wrong. She doesn't get hurt easily because she doesn't delve too much on her feelings, her emotions. She's a girl who has her mind over her heart. I even miss the old me. Now, that girl doesn't exist anymore. Yeah, maybe she's somewhere inside of me, struggling to get out but a thing called love is trying to prevent her from escaping. I've changed...a lot. I admit it. Still strict but I've become democratic. Still fight for what I think is right but not like before. I guess those were the only things that stayed. I've become a heart over mind kind of person. I don't get angry that easily anymore. I can't say I'm strong. I don't know. When it was the four of us, Marj, Abychu, Nikko and I, Abychu was the emotional one. Nikko was the one who's always ready to fight. I was the strong one who doesn't care what other people say and Marj just doesn't feel but is ready to bite anyone's head off. We used to say that Abychu is the one who balances our group because the three of us were the tough ones. Now, I've suddenly become a softie pretending to be tough. Now, the question is? What does the future bring? I hope the future will be better than the present. I plan to go back to the old me but retain the positive changes. The future is still a blur. I don't know what may or may not happen. I have no predictions, premonitions or prophecies. I guess we'll just have to wait and see. Just because you are at pain doesn't mean you're the victim. Just because you are the victim doesn't mean you are at fault. This quote by Abychu really fits the situation. Anyway, on a happier note, Hp gOf is only 31 days away. I am so excited. There are many new pictures but for the first time, I don't want to look at them. No, abychu, I'm not tired of seeing spoilers. I'm just tired of opening windows just to see thos pictures when in 31 days you would be able to see them on screen. The thing is, Mike Newell is biased. He's a shipper and he ships Harry/Herm. Even if I'm not a H/Hr shipper, I found this cute pic of the two. I liked it because it shows Harry as if he's ready to fight for Hermione. A friedn who's willing to fight for a friend. * I can't seem to place the pic so I'll just pst it some other time...sorry*
you know you love me
xoxo
9:13:00 PM
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