Y 8.29.2005
Letting the Feelings Out....
When the pain already hurts so much, find someone who you can talk to and let all the feelings out because if you don't, those feelings and emotions inside you will stab your heart like a million daggers. I haven't posted for two days. I was so preoccupied last Saturday and the computer broke down yesterday so here I am now writing about my thoughts rather than what happened. I don't know why it only hit me after a month or two? Maybe because now I'm not busy. I had time to think about things, to think about what I really feel. The past month was a whirlwind of activities so I did not pay attention much to what my heart was shouting. What was it really shouting? I think I have figured it out but something tells me that it's not that easy to deal with it. There are things in life that you regret doing but you cannot do anything because you cannot go back and you cannot change what you have done. I regret what I did but then again what else can I do but deal with it. Like what people said if the tide is about to hit you, move on to higher grounds. I might sound crazy or mentally unstable but then I just write what I want to write. People who know me will say that this is so unlike me. I'm the type of person who has her mind over her heart. I want to change things and make them right again but this time, I can't. I do miss the feeling and the company. I just wonder why I miss so many things nowadays. I miss Marj, my friends etc. I guess life wasn't as good as it was before but I still believe that life will become better. I sound so unlike myself. What happened? Even I don't know. I guess I'll just have to deal with things one at a time. I'll focus on my studies and school activities. I'll keep myself busy to numb the pain inside. A lot of people use this approach. Maybe after sometime everything will be all right. Some people think that I don't care that I don't feel anything just because they see me laughing or they see me too busy to care or to notice but those people are wrong. Some people I know are hiding behind masks. I know this particular person who got really hurt but if you see him now he's so jolly and he seems to have endless amount of energy and he's all about fun but we know better. We know that beneath those laughs, smiles and jokes, the pain still haunts him. We just admire how he deals with it. Sometimes you just stop and think how stupid that girl was to leave him. Anyway, life will go on. Que cera cera, what will be will be. I'm just thankful that although I feel lonely there are people around me who are always there for me.
P.S. When I'm already back to my real self..The Klyonne Whannica Mari Dela Cruz that everyone knows. I might regret what I've written in this post.
you know you love me
xoxo
9:52:00 AM
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