Y 8.29.2005
Letting the Feelings Out....
When the pain already hurts so much, find someone who you can talk to and let all the feelings out because if you don't, those feelings and emotions inside you will stab your heart like a million daggers. I haven't posted for two days. I was so preoccupied last Saturday and the computer broke down yesterday so here I am now writing about my thoughts rather than what happened. I don't know why it only hit me after a month or two? Maybe because now I'm not busy. I had time to think about things, to think about what I really feel. The past month was a whirlwind of activities so I did not pay attention much to what my heart was shouting. What was it really shouting? I think I have figured it out but something tells me that it's not that easy to deal with it. There are things in life that you regret doing but you cannot do anything because you cannot go back and you cannot change what you have done. I regret what I did but then again what else can I do but deal with it. Like what people said if the tide is about to hit you, move on to higher grounds. I might sound crazy or mentally unstable but then I just write what I want to write. People who know me will say that this is so unlike me. I'm the type of person who has her mind over her heart. I want to change things and make them right again but this time, I can't. I do miss the feeling and the company. I just wonder why I miss so many things nowadays. I miss Marj, my friends etc. I guess life wasn't as good as it was before but I still believe that life will become better. I sound so unlike myself. What happened? Even I don't know. I guess I'll just have to deal with things one at a time. I'll focus on my studies and school activities. I'll keep myself busy to numb the pain inside. A lot of people use this approach. Maybe after sometime everything will be all right. Some people think that I don't care that I don't feel anything just because they see me laughing or they see me too busy to care or to notice but those people are wrong. Some people I know are hiding behind masks. I know this particular person who got really hurt but if you see him now he's so jolly and he seems to have endless amount of energy and he's all about fun but we know better. We know that beneath those laughs, smiles and jokes, the pain still haunts him. We just admire how he deals with it. Sometimes you just stop and think how stupid that girl was to leave him. Anyway, life will go on. Que cera cera, what will be will be. I'm just thankful that although I feel lonely there are people around me who are always there for me.
P.S. When I'm already back to my real self..The Klyonne Whannica Mari Dela Cruz that everyone knows. I might regret what I've written in this post.
you know you love me
xoxo
9:52:00 AM
Y 8.26.2005
Sabayan...
Greetings! Today is a happy day! The day started with me getting up at 430 to arrive at school at 530 and just to find out that as usual only a few people followed my instructions. There were only 5 of us. Anyway, we practiced a few more times before we dressed up. I was delighted of our face and arm paint. It was glittery. So, the most awaited Sabayang Bigkas started. I was of no use. You know why? Today I realized how hard it is to be mute. Yes, I lost my powerful voice. I just used my facial expressions and I emphasized my actions so that I could still be able to do something for the Sabayan. After more than a month of preparation, chaos, and hardships it was finally over with Linnae as 3rd, Berze as 2nd and Ptolemy as 1st. Even if my section, Mendel, did not win, we were contented with the outcome or at least I can say I am. Ptolemy is our neighbor section so we have been hearing them since day 1 and we know they really had something great. We did our best but I guess someone is better than us. "The hurt, it pains me so much!" - Mike. Of course, there can only be one winner. Of course, we, the losers were frustrated since we also practiced hard and sacrificed a lot for this competition. To let go of our frustrations we presented once again in our classroom and everyone was already shouting and there was a part where I will be carried and then the one who was carrying me jumped all around the room. Just imagine that. I also treat them with ice cream. It's good for our voices. Ehem. Ehem. Hahahaha. We dressed up and we rested. All of us were sleepy. Imagine getting home at 1130 pm and leaving at 500 am. Anyway we only had one class. Our adviser was very supportive. We are very lucky to have her as our adviser. After class another adventure begins. Earlier I asked the class who wants to go out, celebrate our defeat. Yeah, it's ironic, I know. Since my two great friends were going out with their section and we were suppose to go out, there was a change of plans. 6 of us went to Rob. We ate at KFC. Maritoni and I were so hungry we ate everything in the menu. Then she started to make fun of CM's hair. We were all laughing for about 20 minutes. We had our picture taken, my first picture with the Mendel crowd. Once again it was a laughing experience because of CM or the Cave Man. Then we proceeded to GBox, we played dance mania. Mike and Maritoni were experts, pH and I were just fine while CM and Ellaine were beginners. They called me "addict". Hey, it's Dance Mania, I love dancing. We were about to get the picture and Maritoni said she had to go home. When we reached the lower part of Gbox she then asked us if we want to play basketball. Of course I agreed since I love playing basketball in arcades. We had a competition and I won twice. In the first one the scores were 68, 47, 48 and 19. The cave man got 19, Mike got 47, Maton got 48. In the second one the scores were 72, 68, 56 and the cave man doesn't want to divulge his score. I'm rather fond of shooting some hoops in the arcade. It all started two years ago with Marj...huhuhu...I miss her...we even bought 20 tokens just for that. Anyway we also saw Ptolemy, Linnae and Berze at Gbox, clearly celebrating their win. We then got the pictures and whoa, the cave man looked exactly like a cave man. Then we went to the National Bookstore and finally went home. I just finished watching Slam Dunk. I really enjoyed this day. It was filled with fun and laughter though I don't think that my heart was laughing when I was. It's complicated. I'm starting to admit it to myself but then I can't do anything about it. Like Mike said, "The hurt, it pains so much!" Nobody would understand me since nobody knows.
Those who are great will be humbled and those who are humble will become great.
you know you love me
xoxo
6:05:00 PM
Y 8.23.2005
this morning...
Well, a lot of things happened today. Most of these things shouldn't be posted on a blog because I might say things that other people can't handle. The day is involved with conspiracies, hate, secret societies and never ending "plastic". I remembered the movie Mean Girls where they are all smiles and say one thing in front of other people and another thing behind other peoples backs. I am flattered to have people devote some of their precious time to express their hate. "Haters, traitors to the human race, Haters, what a drag what a waste, I'd like to see them disappear, they don't belong anywhere, Haters, Traitors" I remembered Hilary Duff's song. These people are just insecure. I pity them. They can't make use of their free time so they use it to say words of hate and they don't have anything better to do than make their lives miserable. Anyway, let's not bother them, they are not worth my attention.
You might be wondering why my blog is entitled this morning. Well, this morning I just realized something during our 20 minute car ride from our house here in Pasay to my school in Manila. I realized that all couples are doomed. Not doomed, as in doomed. Some couples are doomed to end up like Harry and Cho. Harry and Cho were lovers once upon a time. They shared some good times together. They even shared their first kiss. (but I don't think it was Cho's first since she had Cedric) After the few good times it turned bad then it turned ugly. Once they have broken up they tend to ignore each other, not even a hi or a hello. They consider each other invisible. Some are doomed to be Harry/Ginny. They've found their true love, people near them all agree but people like us disagree and we even want to kill Ginny. She doesn't deserve Harry. Some couples are like that. The girl is too good and the guy doesn't deserve her or vice versa like in H & G's case. They don't know that everyone is already against them since they have their own world. Everyone is wishing that they break up but they don't mind these people. Lucky for them! Anyway there are also those who are doomed to be a Ron/Herm couple. These are friends or best friends who fell in love with each other. Good for them but they went through a lot before they ended up together and it is a sure thing that they will go through lots more beause sometimes it is very difficult to mix friendship with love. Am I right? or Am I right? These couples are the obvious couples. People were just waiting for the time that they will come to realize that they are perfect for each other. (sorry Abychu, had to write this and walang Harry/Herm d2, only real couples) Some people are doomed to be like Lupin and Tonks, where age doesn't matter. Some are doomed to be like Bill and Fleur. Bill's family is against Fleur or Phlegm because she is such a pain but she proved that whatever happens she will still love Bill. Forever and Ever. Amen. (waaa, Marj, sorry I can't include Draco/Herm) Lastly, couples are some doomed to be a Lily and James pair. I don't know if you are lucky if you'll be doomed to be like James and Lily. Lily hated James guts when they were younger but they ended up married. They loved each other truly. Loved, past tense. They ended up dead. Well, couples are really doomed. Doomed to choose their path.
I thought about all of these during the 20 minute car ride not knowing how it will affect me or other people. I just thought of sharing it to others.
Love, as they say has no boundaries. Love is not love which alters when it alteration finds...(Shakespeare)
you know you love me
xoxo
6:55:00 PM
Y 8.20.2005
Adventures...
Why is it that whenever the Mendelians go out we encounter an adventure? Are the Munchkin people really meant for adventures? I've encountered about 10 adventures so far...Today was another great adventure...The day started with me waking up at 5:30. I had a bad dream. I'ts not really a nightmare but in that dream my legs and feet got burned and one side of my brother's head got burned...kakatakot noh?...Anyway, I stayed in bed till 630. I then took a bath dressed up and got laughed at by my sis and my aunt. They thought my outfit was ridiculous but they just don't know style. I was so bummed out when I was riding the jeepney to the LRT station because I realized that I left my cell at home. Oh, well I thought I could live without it even for a day. When I arrived at the LRT station it was "code yellow" which means there's a problem with the trains. I was the first one to arrive at our meeting place and the hour went on and we arrived at San Sebastian College where we were going to watch Noli Me Tangere. The other schools were, well, how do i put it? "UNCIVILIZED". I might sound so harsh in saying that but if you were there you might say something more harsh. All in all, the play was good. I enjoyed it and it sparked a flame in my heart. After the play, Vanir, Maritoni, Yani, Cha and I went to Bambang to buy test tubes...we walked from the Recto station of LRT 2 to Bambang...waaaa...it was 12:30 and we were all hungry and I was wearing heels...After we bought test tubes we went to Rob Place Manila to eat our lunch. I was so famished. I think I could've eaten a hippogriff awhile ago. After that adventure we then headed to Mikhail's house for our research experiment. It was a very different adventure since it involves pipes, cigarettes, soft drinks and chamomile tea. All in all my day was great but it was rather exhausting. I just realized today that I'm happy I belong to Mendel. We're like one big family. Although we sometimes bicker or something the like when we need to be united, we unite. We get along well with anyone and I feel so at home.
Love is not about loving a perfect person but loving an imperfect person perfectly.
you know you love me
xoxo
6:41:00 PM
Y 8.16.2005
Missing Someone...
My heart hurts...you want to know why? Have you ever experienced missing someone and you feel that that someone doesn't miss you back? It hurts. My day was just a typical school day. Nothing that important happened. I went home tired, as usual. I went online and I found something that made my heart burn in pain. I can't believe I could care for a friend this much. Though I consider her as my best friend, I still can't believe I can care for a person this much. Of course, I do care for my other close friends. If they were the ones who were gone I would also feel this way. My friends are my strength. I realized that last year. Without my friends, I am nothing. I hate being alone and lonely. My friends are the ones who make me happy. They save my day from being monotonous. I'm so lucky to have found great friends. I'm so lucky because out of the millions of people in this country I was able to find them. I'm so happy that even for only a year we were able to spend some really great quality time together. I hope we can all go back to those times, the good and the bad. I hope we were still that close. I hope it's the 5 of us again, inseparable. I'm full of hopes that will never happen. I feel so left out. I just hope that I will not lose the two others. Don't go and don't leave me. I might sound selfish but hey, that's how I feel. You will not realize how important someone is until you lose him/her. It was already late when I realized that. I wish I had realized it sooner so that I could have cherished every moment I shared with you but now that you're gone. What else can I do but sit here and miss you.
you know you love me
xoxo
8:30:00 PM
Y 8.14.2005
English Project; We Rock!
For once this school year, I am excited to go to school. Why? It's because of a project we are so edging to pass on. Yeah, this blog is titled Klyonne's life, but, we (Nikko and I) are allowed to post, and I think we could post anything we want.
As for the said project, my group (composed of Nia, Amity, and me) did something marvelous, I can't just describe it here. I can't take pictures either because the webcam is not installed yet, and we have no digicam.
It's a long story, how we ended up with that project, so heavenly, and so purple! You see, we have to evaluate the play we saw in San Beda last week, Of Masks and Memories. It was a stupid play actually; nevertheless, I did it because if I didn't, I would end up with no good project. The alternative is to do something about the novel, Silas Marner, which I have already read way before the play. That something consists of doing a comic strip for the whole story, and another one; but I'm not good in drawing and all. So yeah, I'm gonna do something like that! Ha-ha.
To finish, that project is so great were going to be dissapointed if it wouldn't be appreciated that much.
As for the Singapore scholarship, I didn't apply for it, so I was not with Nica and Nikko this day. At first I thought of it, but it's all a rush, I got the form the day before the deadline. Like I can complete all the requirements with that time; and we got loads of assignments that day too. And my friend, Rei Mark, said it was no use. There are better things ahead of us, like Britain!
So for Nica and Nikko, good luck to both of you! But if you passed all the other stuff in the process, you would be leaving too.
You see, we are 4 in our circle of friends. There's me, Anna Beatriz Callejo Chua; Nica, Klyonne Whannica Mari Vicentina dela Cruz; Nikko, Danikko John Villaignacio Rivera; and Marj, Marjorie Anne Torres (?!) Vital. The latter migrated to Canada alongside her family. We were very lonely she left.
We met 2 years ago, in our first year at Manila Science High School. I never thought I would be close to the bossy, smart, class president (Nica), and the one I thought of as a snobbish, pretty lady (Marj); Nikko and I were in good terms since the first day of classes. We were 5 back then, but Anna was "taken away" by Pauline in the 4th quarter of that school year.
To go back to the thread, Marjorie left us already, and I don't want to be left here alone to suffer the high (Is there? Hope so.) and low tides of life here in the Philippines. So in a way, a part of me wants you to not pass through that scholarship.
Sorry guys, I was just in my selfish mode. I know studying overseas is a great opportunity for both of you. Now I'm wishing I applied for that, LOL.
But great things lie ahead.
you know you love me
xoxo
1:35:00 AM
Y 8.13.2005
Singapore...
Hi Singapore. Today was the much awaited Singapore Selection Test. Actually, it was not a much awaited event for me. I have so much in my mind to even pay attention to something like that but today I, with 40 other mascians and 333 other participants, took the test. I woke up early, ate breakfast, went up to look for familiar faces, found them, started the test. The Math test was, well I can't say it was easy. I can't also say it was difficult. Let's just say that the time was not enough for me to finish it in 2 hours even if there are only 35 questions. See? 35 questions, 2 hours. Huwatt?? After that we had a break for 15 minutes then sat for the English test. There, now I can say the test was easy. Modesty aside but I felt that I was just having a summative test in school. My composition was, as always, long. The lunch break was an adventure. I lead my friends to an unknown and underground KFC that we cannot seem to find. At last, we were able to reach HP Village Square and we ate there. Oh yeah, before I forget, the test was at the Embassy Ballroom, Traders Hotel. Sossy isn't it? I sat beside a guy, well we were assigned to seats but I never talked to my seat mate. Wahihi. It was another bonding time for us Juniors but there were also a few seniors there. After that we took the General Ability Test for 20 minutes. I finished it in about 10 - 15 minutes. We had a briefing and the more I see the benefits of the scholarship the more I want to have it. Well, I did not do my best but then...I told myself that if I don't pass this year, there's always next year, and I will be more prepared next year. Anyway, I was so worried about III - Mendel because they were practicing for our periodic test in Music. I hope they were able to accomplish something. Anyway, my mom's here for the night. She and my aunt are going to take the LET or Licensure Examination for Teachers. Let's all cross our fingers for them. I just hope and pray that everything will turn out fine. xxxx
you know you love me
xoxo
6:59:00 PM
Y
Am I Really This Busy?
Well, well, well I've created another blog. I've abandoned my other blog. Wahihi...Anyway, my day couldn't get any busier. How else to start a day but with a test in Physics? Our teacher, Mr. Mendoza said that Mr. Arcilla will make the test so we were expecting the same type of test that he used to give us last year. I was surprised to see that the test was really different. Two points will be given for each number and there were a lot of corrections that took much of our time. Luckily, I finished it but the following exams were not in any way easier. Advanced Biology, Technical Writing and Trigonometry were not fairly easy subjects.
I already had a plan for that day, after the exams we will check the chemistry notebooks, submit our project, eat lunch and start practicing by 12:30. cHugUg...Mrs. Apolinario said that we will have a general cleaning of our classroom. Waaa...that destroyed my whole plan. We cleaned the room for an hour. I was exhausted, scrubbing the walls was no easy task. I was about to have lunch by 12:15 but another cHugUg....Laurence Bautista comes into our room and tells me that we have to clean the Research Center...hUwatT??? I was tired of cleaning our classroom, I was hungry since I did not eat breakfast but being the responsible officer that I am I helped clean the place. I was exhausted by 1:15 when Laurence let us go reluctantly. Jessica and I bought our lunches and I ate in our room while waiting for the late comers. We were about to practice the Sabayang Pagbigkas. When we were about to start practicing we were kicked out of our place. We had to search for a place to practice and it was raining. We started practicing at around 2 and I saw a sight that i did not want to see.
The Sabayang Pagbigkas has been a burden. I wish that it would not push through. I'm sick and tired of practicing. I feel that we're going nowhere but I know we can do it. Julius was the one leading today. But in the end, I was the one who taught them the actions. Practices were cut by 3 so we were not able to do much. I stayed for about 30 minutes talking to my pals and well I was still seeing a sight I did not want to see. Iric was really kind awhile ago. He helped me buy an umbrella even though the wind was working against us. I bought a Hello Kitty umbrella which I think only a Pre-school student would buy since it's the only one available. I went home, I bought a CD of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and an I-net card. I went online, watched Slam Dunk, rooted for Rukawa at the top of my lungs, went online again, watched CCF, and now I made a blog. I guess I'm feeling inspired today. Well, tomorrow I do have a Singaporean Scholarship Selection Test.
I hope that other people will realize how lucky they are because somebody special loves them. The other half are suffering.
you know you love me
xoxo
12:34:00 PM
|
